Your Empathy Might Just Be Overthinking
Are you using JUST to JUSTIFY other people's Bullshit?
Let’s talk about a subtle habit that looks like insight but often keeps you stuck: the endless loop of “He just…” or “They just…”
“He just needs time.”
“They just don’t understand.”
“She just has a lot going on.”
At first glance, these thoughts sound empathetic—even mature. But when you peel them back, they often reveal something deeper: a quiet pattern of overthinking, mind-reading, and under-feeling.
We try to stay “objective” about others because it feels safer than being honest with ourselves. We intellectualize their behavior so we don’t have to touch our own pain.
Trust me—mind-reading IS painful because it keeps us from considering ourselves.
Why This Matters
You can’t think your way through emotions that need to be felt.
When your mind is busy explaining everyone else’s story and behavior, you stop listening to your own story and intuition. Boundaries blur, intuition dulls, and your needs start whispering so softly you can barely hear them.
The Reframe
Instead of “He just…” try “I feel…” or “I need…”
OriginalReframe“She just needs space”“I feel disconnected.”“They just get overwhelmed”“I need consistency.”“He just has a lot going on”“I need effort.”
See how that shifts the energy back to you? That’s not selfish—it’s alignment.
A Small Reminder
Today is 11/11, a date often seen as a symbol of balance, intuition, and new beginnings.
What if you took this as a sign… to realign within yourself instead of trying to understand something outside of yourself?
Stop explaining.
Start feeling.
Trust that your inner knowing doesn’t need defending—it just needs space to breathe and listen to what you already know.
You don’t need to understand everyone else to live in alignment. You just need to remember that you belong in the story too.
Start small. One step at a time.
Written by Candice Coughenour, LMFT
Licensed therapist specializing in overthinking, people-pleasing, burnout, and emotional overwhelm.
Helping people-pleasing perfectionists set boundaries, reduce burnout, and rediscover joy.
