Aggressively Human: Don’t Hug Me, I’m Scared

A neurospicy perspective on touch, overwhelm, and disconnect

Really off topic, but also exactly the same topic… the “ Don't Hug Me I'm Scared video???

Anyone else’s brain?

Okay, back on track.

If you read my last newsletter: Please Don’t Touch Me (And What That Reveals About Congruency), you probably already relate to some part of being introverted, demi-affectionate, “you don’t need to touch me,” analytical, and overthinking.

Now let’s talk about the neurospicy part.

The world does not give enough credit to how much effort it takes to be in your body when you are dysregulated.

Especially if you are neurospicy.

Being present is not neutral.

It is stimulation.

It is effort.

It is willpower.

Sometimes my body feels like it wants to reject itself.

And as we’ve already learned, sometimes it does.

There are moments where I will sit in one place and deep dive into a special interest to replenish.

And there are moments where I do the exact same thing to stay comfortable in dysregulation.

Same behavior. Different function.

Throwback to my kitchen renovation.

The constant noise.
The visuals.
The smells.

I wanted to crawl out of my own skin.

And the longer it went on, the more I disappeared into my head.

Staying up late.
“Productive” insomnia.
Ideas, research, writing, spiraling.

Nothing about it was actually restorative.

I went back to an old pattern.

Stay in my head.
Live in my higher chakras.
Avoid grounding.
Avoid my body.

And the longer I do that, the harder it is to come back.

I move less.
I go out less.
I don’t want to be touched.
My tolerance for people drops.

The DSM might call that depression.

Is it wrong? Maybe not.

But it’s not the full picture.

What feels more true for me is this:

My connection to my body is directly tied to my connection to myself.

Physically.
Emotionally.
Mentally.
Spiritually.

And all of that is constantly interacting with context and other people.

And when you are someone who can zoom all the way out
and experience everything at once

and also zoom all the way in
and fixate intensely

You can become overwhelmed on every level at the same time.

So what do I do?

I let my awareness live in my mind.

And leave the rest behind.

For my spiritual girlies
that can feel like a kind of soul fracture.

For my analytical people
it’s a coping skill turned defense mechanism.

On a good day, I’m operating at 66%.

Because I am disconnected from 33% of myself
every moment I am not in my body.

This is why congruency and mindfulness matter.

It’s not just noticing your thoughts.

It’s noticing your body.

And if you are neurospicy, that comes with its own chaos.

Because noticing your body might also mean:

your sock seam is wrong
there’s lint in your shoe
your shoe is too tight
you can hear your nail polish
you can smell the puddle you stepped in

and suddenly you are drowning in sensation.

So yeah.

Don’t hug me, I’m scared.

Maybe not of you.

But of my capacity in that moment
to be in my body
to process sensation
to stay connected to myself
and to let that connection include you.