In the Moments I Chose Myself

Renovations Revelations #3: A window into what it means to consider Self, Other, and Context while navigating change.

Don’t feel like reading, listen here

“No, I don’t like that flooring.”
“This is how I want the cabinets hung.”
“Please don’t show up before 9:30 a.m.”

Trust me—this took years of practice. Years of learning to share my wants, my needs, my boundaries with others. And holy cow—renovating a kitchen with your partner and your dad (two of the biggest relationships that push me into incongruent patterns) really tests that skill.

There are moments I don’t speak up because I “don’t want to hurt them.”
And there are moments I do speak up… and I’m a “meanie.”

Well, guess what…

In the moments I chose myself—my thoughts, my feelings, my actions—I also chose others. I chose context. I chose connection.

Congruency isn’t selfish. It’s honest.

So get prepared.

Luck doesn’t always feel lucky in the moment. Sometimes it feels like delays. Like inconvenience. Like being a “meanie.”

But give it time.

Life is a whirlwind of choices—every moment of every day offering access to exactly what you say you want.

I want a kitchen with more than two drawers and a dishwasher! I will do everything in my power to make that happen. And yes—the cabinet delays, the endless Home Depot hold music—that’s annoying. But it’s also a privilege to have a life where these are my problems (if you catch my drift).

The question is:

Are you choosing from alignment… or from avoidance?

Do the thing you congruently need. The thing you actually want. The thing you actually believe. That path gets you there faster. The other one just takes longer.

Be honest about your beliefs. Look at yourself. Look at others. Look at the context.

I truly believe that if more people acted from congruent thoughts and feelings, the world would feel less divided. Not because one side wins, but because more of us would think in grey instead of all-or-nothing.

At the end of the day, yes, it sucks to be on hold or when reality doesn’t match expectations. But I’m alive. I’m safe. I’m not fighting for my life. And that matters.

That doesn’t dismiss my emotions…it expands the context.

I can feel what I feel. I can enjoy my kitchen. I can acknowledge the privilege of having “these kinds” of problems.

Both can be true.

If enough of us made choices that honestly considered self, other, and context—not to win, but to understand—alignment wouldn’t be rare. It would compound.

And what we call luck?
Would start looking a lot like collective congruency.

Boom. Jackpot.

Whether I’m creating a boundary about flooring or calmly regulating through hours on hold with customer service, I hope to always be at least:

Somewhat Congruent,
Candice

P.S. If this made you think of someone learning how to speak up without guilt, send it to them.

Every time we normalize healthy boundaries, we make it safer for others to practice theirs too.

That’s how congruency becomes collective.

This post is part of my ongoing Renovations Revelations series, where I reflect on life lessons, personal growth, and the small (and sometimes messy) moments that renovations, both literal and metaphorical, reveal. If you’re new here, welcome! Each insight is a window into what it means to consider Self, Other, and Context while navigating change.

If this resonated, you may relate to my work around Overthinking & Decision Fatigue,Stress and Anxiety,and People-Pleasing and Boundaries.