When Your Expectations Need A Reality Check

Considering the context.

I talk about considering Self, Other, and Context a lot.

• Self is our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

• Considering Other means considering other people’s thoughts, feelings, and actions within your circle of control, based on what they do and say.

• Context sits right alongside these concepts. It’s your understanding of how the situation itself impacts both Self and Other.

What do I mean by that?

I mean understanding that your thoughts, feelings, and actions are affected by what you are and are not considering. Our considerations are rarely fixed, but they can feel that way when we forget to recalibrate our expectations. Expectations for yourself and others need to shift depending on the context of the situation

In plain English with a real life example:
You cannot expect to live life the way you “typically” do during a home renovation.

So stop pushing yourself to complete your “normal” tasks when you, my friend, are in the middle of a red-hot transition affecting your space, your mind, your body, and your soul.

This is why adjustment disorder exists.

We live in a society that expects quick recovery from massive changes and transitions without offering time to process or adjust to how the context affects us. Or more accurately, how we interpret and respond to the context based on our understanding of Self-our thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

So as I write this, I must confess the probably obvious:
I’m talking to myself.

Once again, I’ve noticed a total shutdown of Self due to a lack of real rest and the belief that I “need” to push through. (last time was on vacation after painting the house and traveling)

And once again, I notice that when I finally stop—truly stop—I reboot. I gain clarity. I understand my next step and my next need.

And just like that, a familiar lesson shows up in a new way.

To be truly congruent, I need to be more honest with what I already know about myself. I already know that large house projects drastically increase my need for rest and require a real shift in expectations, and probably shouldn’t be scheduled right before a trip. Living in a disorganized space adds mental load and sensory overload. And that matters.

So next time I take on a big project, I hope I remember to accurately consider the context so my choice to rest can take precedence over the incongruent thoughts talking shit.
“Clean the bathroom.”
“You aren’t getting anything done.”
Shame, blah blah blah.

Because transitions call for a shift in thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Simply put, transitions call for an intentional check-in with Self.

With honesty and recalibration,
Candice

P.S Not every transition calls for the same shift. I invite you to be mindful of what you actually need in each transition that you feel and see if you notice any patterns.