I Am Not Your Sunshine

People Pleaser Recovery

There was a time I often heard the phrase “you are like sunshine.” And it came with a sense of pressure to shine my light for others.

Yesterday, while talking with a colleague and new friend, she shared that sentiment. It is not new to me, yet when she said it, I heard it with new ears.

I have been working hard to shine my light for myself, and I am learning that, in itself, is people-pleaser recovery. I can now hear that compliment as a joyful and loving reflection of the warmth I give myself and, in return, share with others. Not as a demand to keep everyone else happy and warm.

The truth is, I am not sure anyone was ever asking me to do that. I do not know if the intention was for others to outsource their own shine, and I may never know.

What I do know is this.

My shine is for me, and from there I may share it with others in a safe context.

I will not dim my light, nor will I shine strictly for the comfort of others again.

This connects to another familiar message in people-pleasing recovery: the idea of not dimming your shine or making yourself small for others’ comfort. I want to shine a light, pun intended, on how the opposite can also have a similar effect.

Shining your light for others can still disconnect you from yourself when it becomes a responsibility instead of an expression. When your brightness becomes something you perform, it slowly drains you.

So I will say this more clearly now. Please do not shine your light for anyone but you. When you shine for yourself, others will naturally benefit. When you shine strictly for others, you risk draining the very source you are trying to share.

Somewhat Congruent and always shiny,

Candice