How Far will You Go?
I hope its farther than you let your fear go. Clarence Chronicles #2
If you missed the first one, go back and read it—“What You Think Is What You Do… Or Is It?” It’s about truly knowing yourself, challenging beliefs shaped by others’ fears, and taking a deeper look at the patterns we inherit and pass down.
As expected, it’s been about a year since Clancy started going outside, and I am once again faced with the curiosity of what is most congruent in this situation.
Clancy did really well last year going outside eventually without supervision. And much like all teenage boys, this 14-year-old boy has started testing his boundaries. So now I’m being asked to observe and explore my own limits.
What am I willing to accept?
And how can I set myself and my son (Clancy, my cat) up for the best possible outcome in this context?
What does that actually mean?
Congruency and boundaries.
I really have to consider myself in this moment in order to effectively consider the other (Clancy).
Why am I so afraid of him leaving the backyard?
Originally, I didn’t have to go deeper into that. He wasn’t leaving the backyard, and I had decided I was comfortable with him being outside within those limits. But like any curious cat, he began to want more.
For the past two months, I’ve been trying to find the “just right challenge” (borrowed from an OT friend). So I started filling the gaps… literally. I blocked off the ways he was “escaping.”
And as expected… he persevered.
In the past, a simple redirect would work. But he’s a big man on campus now, so to speak. He knows there’s more and he wants it.
Honestly, I can’t blame him for that.
So what are my limits now, considering him and the context?
Can I give more?
Partly, I need to observe myself. And partly, he is clearly going to do it anyway, so what is actually in my circle of control?
I don’t let him out anymore
I only let him out with me
I let him out and hope for the best
All reasonable options, depending on your Self, the Other, and the Context.
For me, I cannot just not let him out.
It’s been harder and harder to go out with him when he wants, mostly because it’s been winter, but also because of how often he wants to go. So really, I’m left with this:
I can let him out and hope for the best and keep stressing when my expectations aren’t met (which, more accurately, means I’ve set unrealistic expectations based on what I know about myself, the context, and him).
Or…
I can take it one step at a time and practice accepting what happens as it happens.
As I heal from living in a narrative built by my parents’ fear, I also have to keep exploring it so I don’t pass down that same rigid cage to my son (cat), or to anyone else I have influence over.
And as a reminder:
I may not always have a choice in who I influence,
but I will always have a choice in being responsible for what I can control
My thoughts, my feelings, and my actions.
So yeah… maybe this is about Clancy.
But also, not at all.
It’s about catching myself in the moment
before fear writes the story,
before I act like it's a fact.
And choosing something that actually feels like me.
Even if that means…
we’re both just out here learning how far we can go.
Mostly congruent,
Candice
If this resonated with you, you may be interested in Overthinking and Decision Fatigue
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