Ask Yourself: “What is the goal of me saying this?”

Renovations Revelations #8: Thankfully realizing $3 isn’t worth the lid-flip—a reflection on financial scarcity, emotional regulation, and choosing congruency over reaction.

Prefer Listening? If you’d rather listen than read, check out Somewhat Congruent, my micro-podcast.

What is the goal of me saying this?

Honestly? A question I hope we are all asking more than not, nonetheless, it is today's lesson 

I just picked up a half-drank health shot off the floor. The kind that is way too expensive for what it is. So I am doubly mad, first at the price, second at the fact that it has now been sitting out, and that money feels wasted.

My urge, i.e., my mean girl:
“Spencer, what the hell? You left this out, and now I can’t drink it!”

Stand-alone? Honestly, not that bad…

In context?
It was left out because Spencer took everything out of the fridge and cleaned it before putting away the groceries from his shopping trip. After getting home from work. Before continuing to work on the kitchen.

See? A little more acceptable now, right?

When I widen the lens beyond my immediate irritation, I gain access to empathy.

So let’s consider Other.

Spencer has shared more than once that he is stressed and overwhelmed. I have seen with my own two eyes him trying very hard to stay not only “productive” but regulated through all of this.

And that brings me back to Self.

Why do I want to say this?
What is my goal?

When he accidentally closed the door I had painted earlier — after I asked for it to stay open — I was able to gently say, “Hey, as a reminder, I’m trying to keep this door open while the paint dries.” No edge. No charge.

So why is this different?

Because this isn’t about a door.

It’s about scarcity.

I want to say it because I am mad and at that moment, not yet regulated through my long pattern of financial survival.

But when I take a breath and collect myself, I realize any comment fueled from that place is not aligned with my congruent self.

And here’s what I noticed as I reflected:

The reason it was easier to handle the door…
Easier to handle the fridge drawer soaking in the sink…
Easier to say, “I know a lot is going on, and I love you… I’ll clean this.”

…is because I have practiced. A lot. When I am regulated, this stuff isn’t as hard.

(I had a four-day weekend and actually rested. The version of me you read about last week? She might not have handled this so smoothly.)

Nothing trips me up like financial scarcity does.

I have come a long way personally. Professionally too. Therapy. Journaling. Release rituals. The Moon. All of it. I trust myself more. I trust the universe more.

Relationally? That’s harder.

Because scarcity was learned relationally. Which means it must be unwound relationally.

And that.
Shit.
Takes.
Time.

So yes. Spencer “wasted” $3.
Which is a lot for a juice shot.

And also nothing compared to what I would willingly pay to support the man I love when he’s overwhelmed.

A regulated me can hold self, other, and context AND choose alignment over reaction.

Sometimes that $3 costs me my regulation.
My connection.
My congruency.

But today it didn’t.

$3 short but rich nonetheless,
Candice

P.S. I don’t plan to tell Spencer this. Nothing tarnishes a congruent action quite like later announcing, “See how regulated I was?” Again, I ask:  what would the goal of that be?

And with that, this closes the Renovations Revelations series, eight reflections on kitchens, cabinets, control, scarcity, and who we become under pressure.

If you missed any of the earlier ones (including the ones about my dad, which truly might be my favorite), you can revisit the full series in the archive. 

Until the next renovation.

Stay congruent.

If this resonated with you, you may be interested in perfectionsim and inner-critic

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

→ Book a Free Consultation
→ Or start here: Learn More about Your Therapist